Two shots in the same day - very hard to bear but may be someone knows that I can take it! And there I am siting and giving fake smiles - I have a bad face - nothing hides. Aravind comes and I recollect he was out to US and has just returned today. I greet him with a warm smile - everything was wet so this one too seemed wet! And I just think how some people are lucky - when we have the same things in common and I know at some point in the past I was superior to him (I have absolutely no idea about now) but chance is given to him. I feel nothing. He goes and I stay back - I feel nothing. He is asked by and I am not even thought of - I feel nothing. But he comes back and searches for a place to sit, and I am at my own old workstation - I feel as if a cannon has been fired at me!
I just let it go and accompany him to breakfast. I feel like speaking to someone. But I have never made a friend whom I can call anytime and say I want to speak to you. I am so weak at that one point. (But this one sometime later) So I just ask how is work there, how are people there, whats the bank-balance he has made, what was he working on specifically and let him speak for a while and listen to things that were roaring in my head. And then He asks about the Theatre club - something in me somewhere just snapped. I replied to him - showed him the Limelite. And boasted about how everything is heading up!
And we talk so naturally but I am not at ease. Opportunities are lost of course, but how much am I to blame for it when I surrender? This has happened before and happend for the best. So I will not complain. But I see that I have a bad side to my persona which keeps popping up every now and then when I see others happy. I dont know what to do about it! Just hope one day it will rest in peace.
Song: Hero
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