A late friday evening ... nothing much to do ... pouring outside cats and dogs ... lazing on the bed ... there I was browsing the TV channels. Caught up by a black and white movie that had quite modern technicalities, I wondered ... if it was new ... and then there was a subplot of alternative lifestyle - that fuelled my eagerness a bit more. Then a final confirmation of it being new came when i saw her - Jennifer Aniston. Usually I love her movies - she "tries" to act when not into comedies (The Good Girl for eg.) and its fun looking at her. Her movies always leave one with a good feeling. But this one particularly was not about her. This was about a curiously "Monica"-looking brunette (i do not remember her name). There was a coffee shop and there was no colour. No colour till one day she saw her blue eyed angel. Following the story was indeed revitalizing in many aspects and a force to believe was one of them. That believe in oneself, one's ideals and believe that what is meant, will come. Though not a very great one, or a very original one, or a very powerful one, there is so much truth in some of the parts and they stayed with me. "There are many medicore things to worry about in life. Love, should not be one of them!" Well as a (one more if you will) spoiler, the insomniac does dream at last. The time when she dreamt, I noticed it was time for me to get into the covers and have a share of them for myself too.
Song: A love before time ...
Monday, July 16, 2007
To Quit!
Longing to be out of one's body (for a while) is not a very unnatural desire. TO go beyond what you physicality can do and achieve what words would say "beyond" have always been a feature in ones imagination from time unknown. And that is exactly what he felt after reading that poem (Well a piece of text if not exactly a poem). Such out-of-the-body experiences were not rare to him but this time it lasted a bit longer and sure was a bit stronger. Thinking about everything he had and everything he did not have, he felt how thankful he was for having what he had. That how nothing he had done in this life made him worthy of having what he had. That how in another life and all lives to come he would pray to be just what he is now and nothing else. That how time has flown by and all these years, when they are passing by may feel a little too much to bear but as they are gone they feel so little a stretch, were not enough to tell the people he really cares about how much they matter to him. People may say that this is the simplest thing one can do, but he was sure after all these years that it requires a lot of courage to do that - to speak. He wishes he was courageous too but then he feels he is fine. It has turned out to be so much better than anything else - what he is. From always he had this fantasy of passing before any of his loved ones - not now but sometime long away in future. But Sitting there and thinking over it, he feels how stupid an idea that is. There is no limit of sorrow that befalls on the people who love you when you quit. Those very people have devoted so much for you - so much of their time, their feelings, their thoughts. There is no way he can give back for the things he has got, but he now knows how just by being there it will be different. Moreover, there is so much beauty to quit!
Song: -
Song: -
People Are Not Options!
She was intelligent and she was right at this. He always was so confused (though he did not know it ... he was). With so many illusions and no one to help out (not that he had asked for help from anyone) he had his own notions and would do what he thought was right. Not that rain could stop falling just because he thought it was time to go out without getting wet. But then who doesnt like the best for oneself. The best job, the best place to stay, the best movie to watch, the best watch, the best laptop and camera, because all of them made one happy. (Someone very intelligent once said how It is actually the path that once takes to be happy that counts. But then unless the story is outrageoursly related to the movie industry, for general people, the path is more or less the same.)
Having put into situations that led him to one of the best in all aspects he was quite with the best things - education, ideologies, society, job, most of his material belongings - and he believed more of the best was on its way. This slowly led him to think how he can also juggle with people to have the best for himself. Not that he was a great people's person or for that matter a great juggler, but apart from the few that he really cared for, he did / didnot want to care for all others. He kept his options as to whether to like a person or not (depending on many sequences he called circumstances). Gradually that built a wall around him as there was never good enough a reason to like anyone (he did not know of it). Gradually the wall grew thicker, stronger, taller and that made him just an onlooker. Its easy to break a prison that has its keys with someone else, but when the key to your cell is with you, it is nearly impossible to get put ot it. Impossible, unless you get a councelling.
That evening then they talked about work and clothes and food and rain, they came to people, to him and what was happening to him. He couldnot get it at first as he had made it rather too confusing but then slowly he discovered how whatever one may think or do, a some Mr. Linclon will get only a Mrs. Linclon. Afterall, people are not options, they are people and that is what it is.
Song: She is a star ...
Having put into situations that led him to one of the best in all aspects he was quite with the best things - education, ideologies, society, job, most of his material belongings - and he believed more of the best was on its way. This slowly led him to think how he can also juggle with people to have the best for himself. Not that he was a great people's person or for that matter a great juggler, but apart from the few that he really cared for, he did / didnot want to care for all others. He kept his options as to whether to like a person or not (depending on many sequences he called circumstances). Gradually that built a wall around him as there was never good enough a reason to like anyone (he did not know of it). Gradually the wall grew thicker, stronger, taller and that made him just an onlooker. Its easy to break a prison that has its keys with someone else, but when the key to your cell is with you, it is nearly impossible to get put ot it. Impossible, unless you get a councelling.
That evening then they talked about work and clothes and food and rain, they came to people, to him and what was happening to him. He couldnot get it at first as he had made it rather too confusing but then slowly he discovered how whatever one may think or do, a some Mr. Linclon will get only a Mrs. Linclon. Afterall, people are not options, they are people and that is what it is.
Song: She is a star ...
Just A Kid!
I thought he was just a kid. Chirping nature, more attention to others than to what he was doing (not that he was bad in what he did), new-fangled fashions even in the formal work environment (I had never seen him outside work), getting clarified each and every thing everytime he started to work, having interests that rarely matched that of people who had worked with me, he seemed the perfect example of a modern corporate employee. We all should have noticed at one point or the other the variety in one's thoughs die out or get reserved as one specializes. This reminds me of the time I had been to one of my cousin's place for an entrance examination who was then a medical intern. He was brilliant in physics during his high-school days and speaking about light i said him how a green leaf in maroon light will appear black. The reply to that came as - "well! you need to get out ideas of your mind to get in new ones". I dont comment on the validity of the statement but it has stayed with me.
Coming back to the kid here, he seemed like growing restless with time. I imagined how work can be different from academics and how the new kids get bored so very easily. And then one day he put down his papers. What followed was a series of discussions with him, the HR, his supervisor and me - everyone wanted to know the reason for this small stint (he was an achiever afterall). The ones I could understand were that of him being uneasy with the location. I put across a raise, a movement to a higher post (I couldnot offer him a location change as there were no headquarters there). His final words were "I do not want to be disrespectful sir, but I think it is just he correct time for me to move". Days passed without the HR managers being successful to make him stay and came his final day. It was raining and I went out for a smoke that afternoon. He was there too - I had to go to him for a light.
Apparently he had finished all the formalities."There is someone, I know I will never be able to get her, but whatever time we have, I want to spend it with her. Things you say I will get - they might be a little delayed but will come to me one day. This time, once gone, will not." I nodded and thought about the time I was building a career - I knew she was mine, so much that perhaps I had taken her for granted. I was busy in my own dreams and visions. I dont even know if she wanted to be a part of all that. Time was gone, not even remembered anymore - lost and gone - today I have everything else I had aspired for - everything else but her. We stood there and smoked, I had nothing to speak nor did he. Funny how so many years get finished within the time half a cigarrette bruns. As we entered the floor, Ron met us. Among other things he spoke to him, how he will be missed and how he had done a good job. "Same here sir, but Oh! thank God you are not my manager, because the way you explain things - its just very very very verbose, you see!". We all had a good laugh. He was just a kid.
Song: Queen of Hollywood ...
Coming back to the kid here, he seemed like growing restless with time. I imagined how work can be different from academics and how the new kids get bored so very easily. And then one day he put down his papers. What followed was a series of discussions with him, the HR, his supervisor and me - everyone wanted to know the reason for this small stint (he was an achiever afterall). The ones I could understand were that of him being uneasy with the location. I put across a raise, a movement to a higher post (I couldnot offer him a location change as there were no headquarters there). His final words were "I do not want to be disrespectful sir, but I think it is just he correct time for me to move". Days passed without the HR managers being successful to make him stay and came his final day. It was raining and I went out for a smoke that afternoon. He was there too - I had to go to him for a light.
Apparently he had finished all the formalities."There is someone, I know I will never be able to get her, but whatever time we have, I want to spend it with her. Things you say I will get - they might be a little delayed but will come to me one day. This time, once gone, will not." I nodded and thought about the time I was building a career - I knew she was mine, so much that perhaps I had taken her for granted. I was busy in my own dreams and visions. I dont even know if she wanted to be a part of all that. Time was gone, not even remembered anymore - lost and gone - today I have everything else I had aspired for - everything else but her. We stood there and smoked, I had nothing to speak nor did he. Funny how so many years get finished within the time half a cigarrette bruns. As we entered the floor, Ron met us. Among other things he spoke to him, how he will be missed and how he had done a good job. "Same here sir, but Oh! thank God you are not my manager, because the way you explain things - its just very very very verbose, you see!". We all had a good laugh. He was just a kid.
Song: Queen of Hollywood ...
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